UWM Lavender Graduation
May 18, 2023
By Ashley Altadonna
Roughly a month ago I was emailed and asked if I would be interested in being the keynote speaker for my alma mater, the University of Wisconsin – Milwaukee’s lavender graduation. Lavender graduation is a special graduation ceremony that honors LGBTQ students and acknowledges their achievements and accomplishments. The tradition was started because a lesbian parent Ronni Sanlo was denied access to her child’s graduation due to her sexual orientation. The first lavender graduation took place at the University of Michigan in 1995 and has since spread to over 200 colleges and universities.
I was incredibly honored to be asked, but I wasn’t initially sure I would be the best candidate for the job. I felt like perhaps I wasn’t a shining example of success to inspire graduates heading out into the real world. My imposter syndrome was in full effect. The director of the LGBTQ Resource Center assured me that I was indeed qualified for the job and tasked me with writing a 15-to-20-minute speech.
I gave a lot of consideration to what I wanted to tell UWM’s latest batch of queer and trans graduates. I thought about my own experience as an undergrad, and how I was struggling with my own gender identity when I first came to UWM. I thought about the countless experiences I have had in my professional life as a queer, white trans woman. What I kept coming up against was this feeling that I wasn’t good enough to speak to these young LGBTQ graduates. Then I realized that discussing my failures/frustrations was what I wanted to talk about. My setbacks were what I wanted to explore. On the advice of my brilliant wife, Maria, I listened to some esteemed emotional expert Brené Brown’s book “Rising Strong”, which deals with how we pick ourselves up after failing.
I also listened to Elizabeth Day’s podcast “How to Fail”, and I have to admit both changed my perspective on my career. I stopped seeing the shortcomings in my career as failures and started trying to view them as lessons. I started to appreciate how much I have done in the past 19 years since I graduated. I’m proud of the work I have done in advocating for the trans and queer community or helping folks everyday explore their sexuality and gender identity in a way that wasn’t available to me when I was first coming out. I’m pleased with the film and video work I have done since starting Tall Lady Productions in 2008. In short, I felt like maybe I did have something to impart to UWM’s LGBTQ graduates.
Dealing with imposter syndrome and setbacks in my career is something I know that I will continue to struggle with, but it somehow doesn’t feel as enormous now. I’m glad I did the speech. I hope those gay, lesbian, bi, trans, and queer students got something out of it. I certainly did!
